How often do you consciously think about your sexual orientation? The way I see it, the ultimate goal of any “coming out” journey for an LGBTQ individual is to reach the point where your sexual orientation or your gender expression isn’t forefront in your mind all day. Let me explain: I have a supportive family. I live in a city where I’m safe to hold my girlfriend’s hand in public. I’m surrounded by a queer community that validates me. At no point during the day do I ever think that my life is out of the ordinary – and I’m aware that that makes me incredibly lucky, because many LGBTQs are made to feel abnormal, out of place, or unsafe a lot (if not all) of the time.
Every so often I’ll have a flashback to the closeted anxiety of adolescence. I’ll be doing the washing up, or sitting pensively on my bed and I’ll remember what it used to feel like back when my internal world order was heteronormative. Back when I was worried “something might be wrong with me”.
Whenever I get a flashback like that I find myself smiling a little, because I know with absolute clarity that I am so thankful that I didn’t turn out straight.